She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he wants to bone in the snuggie
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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