I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
