Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
