I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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