it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
