I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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