Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
