I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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