my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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