Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
