the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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