his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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