Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
