and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
