ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
