So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
