Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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