Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
