my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
