At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
