That's intense
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
