For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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