I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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