did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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