Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
