I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You are a genius and a whore.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
