Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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