Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
