i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
