I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
