Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
