You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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