What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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