I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
