somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
MIDGETS
????
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
