I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
