The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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