So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
