I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
