I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
