Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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