Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
