I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
