vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
