btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
