Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
