you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
