SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
