somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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