I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
